Pokédivalicious
by DainoChild
Summary: Ruby and Sapphire are exploring Unova. Ruby loves the people, the styles, except - what's with that green haired abomination in the cape! The story of why N isn't a total fashion disaster like the rest of Team Plasma.


It was a nice, warm day in the far off land of Unova. Ruby had spent months begging for permission to come to the land of _true_ style, where models doubled as Gym Leaders and the cities were bustling with well-dressed attractive people.

Of course, Sapphire was a brute and wanted to go thrash every Gym in the region. Ruby just wanted to stay in Nimbasa City forever and ever, helping dress beautiful Pokémon up for the Musical.

Unfortunately, Sapphire's left-hook was painful and she was starting to figure out how to play the '_if you really loved me_' card. And that was how Ruby ended up begrudgingly following Sapphire through a small town named Accumula. It was pretty, as far as towns go; well designed, like everything in Unova, not too rural and not too city. It was nice, and if he hadn't been so determined to remind Sapphire that _he_ wanted to be at the _Musical_ and he was doing this for her cos he was _such_ a good boyfriend, Ruby would have admitted to enjoying it.

Then he saw a crowd listening to some stuffy speech and decided to observe. Unovans were so stylish; simple, with colours of just the right hues, and elegance.

Then Ruby saw a green-haired boy wearing a purple cape covered in eyes with an _orange t-shirt_ and _khaki shorts_ and suddenly everything he'd ever known in life made no sense. One person, just one, was upsetting the beauty. Ruby couldn't allow it.

"Sapph," Ruby said, in a tone she would immediately recognise as the calm before the storm. "Please tell me there isn't a green-haired guy in a purple cape covered in eyes wearing an orange t-shirt with khaki shorts."

Sapphire rolled her eyes. "I'm gonna find someone to battle."

"Find a bunch of people. This will take a while."

In an instant, Ruby was upon him. He pulled at the boy's (he looked older, but he clearly couldn't dress himself thus he might as well have been a child) ponytail and tutted at the less-than-silky texture. It was quite coarse, like the idiot just tied his hair back instead of brushing it.

"What are you doing to my hair?"

He didn't sound angry, just intrigued. Good. "I'm examining it," Ruby replied. "It needs work." His eyes flickered over his body, lip curling with distaste. "_You_ need work."

"I'm already employed," the boy replied. "I'm a King."

Ruby snorted. "Not dressed like _that_, you're not."

"What's wrong with —"

"_Everything_." Before he could reply, Ruby continued, "You can't have hair that colour and wear bright colours like _orange_. It doesn't work. At least go for something more pastel, or better yet, _brown_. Except then you'd look like a tree, though that could work if you need to blend in. Do you need to blend in, King…?"

"N," the boy-king replied. "I suppose it could be better if I did."

"Your name is N?"

"Yes, and what is yours?"

"R," Ruby snarkily replied.

But N remained unconcerned. "Wouldn't you rather listen to the rally? They have some good points."

"Right now, honey, I don't care about anything other than fixing your damn clothes. You're ruining Unova."

At this, N frowned. "No, I'm not at all. I'm doing the right thing and —"

"_I'm talking about your clothes_. Now shut up, I'm fixing it." Ruby glanced around, spotted the only decent clothing boutique in Accumula Town, sighed that it would have to do. He grabbed N by the ponytail and lead him to the store like a dog on a leash. A horribly clashing leash.

"Ew," the bubble-gum chewing girl muttered as they walked in, eyes on N's cape.

"It's okay, he'll be better soon," Ruby sing-sung. He dashed to a rack of dark clothes. "Now, let's see…"

"Do I get to keep the cape?" N wondered. "Capes are heroic."

Because N was pretty much a child, Ruby didn't slap him as he hissed, "No capes."

"But capes are heroic."

"No. Capes. They get caught in things, they're an easy target for anyone trying to kidnap you and, oh yeah, _they look terrible_."

N sighed irritably.

"Now, let's try to get this over with quickly," Ruby said. He handed N a turtleneck black sweater. "My boyfriend is waiting for me."

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yes, she's quite the violent maniac." Ruby thrust a white shirt at N. "Probably off getting her Pokémon filthy in a _battle_."

N gasped and look like he was going to cry. "She's battling them?"

"More like beating other Trainer's Pokémon into the ground," Ruby mused. "As I said, she's a violent creature, my boyfriend."

"That's terrible!" N cried. "Pokémon shouldn't be battled."

Finally, someone who understood! "I _know_, they get _filthy_." He handed N a pair of pants. "This store needs more range!" he called to the girl behind the counter.

"I know, right?" she called back.

"You're a very clever girl," Ruby said with a broad grin. "Unlike my boyfriend. She's a brute." He compared N's hair to a pair of shoes, decided it matched, then handed them to him. "Go get changed. And remember, _no capes_."

N did as he was told.

"Some king," Ruby scoffed.

The clothes weren't jaw-droppingly beautiful, but it fit in well with the general casual style of Unovan Trainers. N looked much better, except for that damn hair…

"Here," the girl behind the counter said without prompt, holding out a white and black cap. "Try this."

N put it on, and the outfit was complete. It wasn't a masterpiece worthy if stamping the name RUBY on, but it passed and was far better than an orange t-shirt and a purple cape with khaki shorts.

"You've learned well," Ruby sighed with utmost grace. "Now just don't ruin it. Brush your hair. Don't wear bright colours unless your hair stops being green."

"Okay, R," N patiently replied. "I will definitely blend in better with the other terrible Trainers."

Ruby nodded. "Yes you will." He scanned N one last time, nodded in approval, and in a mystical voice declared, "My work here is done."

"Will I ever see you again?" N asked, without any trace of irony.

"Perhaps. Only time, and destiny, will tell." Ruby turned to the door. "And now, I must find my brutal boyfriend and clean her Pokémon."

N, overwhelmed by the kindness of this strange person, raised a hand and waved awkwardly, tears in his eyes. In honour of R, his first friend, he vowed never to wear a cape again.

* * *

><p><em>This was written as a fill for the Kink Meme on LJ. I felt that I had to share it because Ruby is amazing.<em>


End file.
